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To Tuesday Magazine

Emergency Makeup for the Dead

Dead people must resort to unorthodox makeup schemes, because non-living bodies don't repair themselves anymore. Here are many everyday items that can be used in emergencies.

pictures of tools

Monkey Wrench - Whole Monkey's, $189.99

Paint Brush - Che d'Pan, $5.99

Staples - Eva's Fasteners, $39.95

Duct Tape - Tape House, $79.99

Some of my clients have given me excellent advice. For example, when noses fall off. I also get a lot of good tips from boxing managers.

Teflon has many many good uses, as does duct tape, staples, and spackle: it's all good.

Don't let expense get in your way. Quality and style do not come cheap--at least not while I'm alive.

pictures of tools

Power Drill - The Gay Craftsman, $789.99

Nail Polish - Target, $7.99

Lipstick - Lipmeister, $24.95

Hammer - Harry's House of Hammer, $229.99